I like lying still in bed because it tricks you into feeling like you owe the world nothing. When you’re walking around with your eyes open, you become one half of a transaction- or pretend to, at least. We’ve been tricked into thinking that our ability to see the world is something the world is giving us. We act like we give a shit about sunsets and the colours of the leaves but I’m sure we could just as easily convince ourselves that the sky and moon and stars are nothing, lame, and totally ugly. We have no choice but to see it, and we put a positive spin on it, which is sweet of us, but probably not totally honest. Sorry but I don’t think that people are naturally really great. The only thing worth being grateful for is not being blind, I guess.
The second half of the transaction is that the greedy world asks for something back from you. Just because you saw it. I’m not talking about anything too grandiose here. I don’t think the world expects me to walk out my front door and draw the Vitruvian man or whatever. I’m mostly just talking about all the bullshit little things we do or don’t do once we’re not lying still in our beds. Like not throwing your trash on the ground, or blowing cigarette smoke in a stranger’s face, or farting very loudly in a restaurant. Or quietly, for that matter.
Maybe you just owe the world whatever you’re willing to give it: in my case, a blank stare and some semblance of politesse. I wonder sometimes if maybe I just follow rules because I’m too lazy to deal with other people’s reactions to my hypothetical breaking of silent traditions, like how if you never showered you would start to smell bad, and then everyone would be a jerk to you about it, or maybe they’d be nice to you and calmly encourage you to take a shower, which would probably be humiliating- but either way, the worst part is you’d have to deal with it. It’s like how I was telling you earlier about how everyone I know used to always be having a fucking meltdown about my phone. Because the glass of the phone screen was cracked.
Anyway, what ended up happening is that about a month or so ago my phone fell out of my pocket while I was squatting down to pee, landed on the tile floor of my bathroom, and broke officially. The screen turned into a pattern of horizontal blue lines of different weights, in different shades of blue. It looked like a businessman’s tie. So I did what I had to do- I went to the Apple store, bought a new phone, and- of course- everybody made the biggest deal out of that. They were all so relieved, and then (ew) asked me about what “features” it had, which was duller but less annoying than the initial “Why don’t you get a new phone?” conversation it stood in for. But then a few days- no, not even a few days, literally one day- passed, everyone adjusted to it, and now nobody ever asks me about my phone anymore. The world no longer tricks me into feeling like I owe it the conversation.
If atman is brahman in a pot (the body), then one need merely break the pot to fully realize the primordial unity of the individual soul with the plentitude of Being that was the Absolute
this song is who i am
The 6 Best Donovan Songs To Listen To In September is my fav thing i’ve written in forevs